Myself I awakened one day in January of 1968 and had the overwhelming desire to hit the highway West to The Haight-Ashbury. I gathered what I considered my important belongings...an extra pair of jeans, a few shirts, my brush and a road map...and I went to the edge of the Oklahoma town I grew up in and stuck out my thumb. Never giving any thought to how this would change my life forever.
Five days later I was there. Fortunately I had caught a ride on the back of a Harley all the way from Oklahoma to California. The rest is history.
By age 30 I was done bouncing around the country and settled down to raise a family with a good man...but not the man that I loved...and still do. We had a beautiful son with white hair and blue eyes who would be my life from then on. That good man and I parted ways many years ago and that beautiful child is now a man full grown. He's a good man but at age 31 can not seem to find himself. He struggles with life day to day and can't seem to find any happiness if life. This hurts my heart.
The man that I have loved since I was 17 is back in my life once more but he is incarcerated for seven more years. I am separated from my son that I adore so much. The lovely Granddaughters that my son has given me are across the country and I still hear from the oldest who is now a wonderful young lady. I am back in my Oklahoma and dealing with serious health issues. I miss my son terribly but his addiction was killing us both and I had to come home and let him deal with that himself as a man.
I miss those carefree days of my youth. I am trying to create carefree happy days now but sometimes find it hard without my son and Granddaughter near by. My family here is so loving and my niece and brother have quite literally saved my life by bringing me home. For that I am eternally grateful.
Now I ponder daily how I can help my son through this addiction and have him in my life again. It seems all he wants is money, money, money...something that I have a shortage of as it is. My man tells me that he has to grow up and do this himself and I know that he is right. But it is so hard to do that when I know that he is suffering and desperate. You see I too am an addict. A recovered addict. I know the pain he deals with and the horrors of addiction.
God will never give me more than I can handle I am told. So I keep believing that one day, with enough faith, I will have him back. My time may be limited and I pray that I will live to see it. Pray for us...pray for my son. Love your family, kiss your loved ones and never let a day pass that you don't thank God for it all.
